Rowan's Ramblings

Here's my place to collect all the cute and random things my five year old says:

• While playing with a friend who took all the play food away from her pretend restaurant, "Mommy, this isn't good. She took all our food and this is supposed to be a restaurant. We need to call a lawyer."
• "Did you know that water is stronger than rocks?" Me: "You mean like how water can freeze in a crack in a rock and split it apart, or how it wears rocks smooth over time?" Rowan: "Yes, that is what happened in the Cretaceous Time Period."
• "Mommy, are vowels really real?!"
• "If we lived in a mushroom instead of our house it would have to be a really big mushroom."
• "Ugh! You are making me as angry as a moldy hamburger!"
• "So when you were talking to Tonton were you conversationing about me?"
• "Mommy, you are so caring and compassionate. I love you so much that I would go all the way to live on the moon by myself without any food and I would die for you. I love you more than 102 lemurs."
• "Mommy, tomorrow I will love you even more than the lamp!" Me: "So do you just love me as much as the lamp today?" Rowan: "No! I love you more than all the stars in the sky!"
• When our neighbors started setting off fireworks during bedtime, Rowan yelled out the window, "Don't they know fireworks at kids' bedtimes aren't very APPROPRIATE?!"
• "I'm sorry Mommy and Daddy, but I've been alive for a lot of years now and my hearing just isn't as good as it used to be. I really need you to turn the music up louder."
• Us: "Rowan, you are being too wild. Settle down." Rowan: "Well, you are the ones who decided to have kids!"
• Her version of Hark the Herald Angels Sing: "Peace on earth for Mercer Mayer, come and join the puzzle crew!"
• "Last night I had a dream that I was a mommy and I had a baby wind chime and it broke it's leg, but we were a happy family."
• While noticing a man on a smoke-break outside of a restaurant:"Mommy! That man is cigaretting and he looks a little mean!! He shouldn't be doing that. We should teach Retta that cigaretting is bad!"
• "Mommy, right now I'm thinking about a baby with a poopy diaper crossing the road, and what if it threw up a soggy wheelchair?!"
• "Mommy, sometimes when I'm just having my lunch and it's all quiet, I just can't help but think about a groundhog that doesn't have any shoes or slippers and so she just rides on a swing all day underground so her feet don't get dirty."
• "Mommy, you just hurt my feelings bad as a whammy bar!" (after I told her she couldn't do something she wanted to do)
• "Mommy, look at those cool puffy clouds in the sky today. I bet there are some Care Bears up there playing, but probably some of them have narcolepsy."
• After something disappointing happened: "Something's always going on in the atmosphere. I bet Old Crow Medicine Show has days like this too." (she's suddenly obsessed with Old Crow Medicine Show)
• "Mama, wouldn't be nice if we owned a rainbow Chevrolet?"
• "Let's pretend I'm a gentle fairy." Aaron: "Okay Gentle Fairy, it's time for bed." Rowan: "But I'm a nocturnal gentle fairy."
• "Where do butterflies sleep?"
• "I'm excited as a pair of chopsticks!"
• "Mommy, I love you so much. I love every part of you, even your bum."
• (While driving over a big bridge) "If I worked all day to build this bridge my arms would be tired as noodles!"
• "I'm as quick as a nick."
• "I'm as hungry as a rat!"
• "The sun is more powerful than a dandelion." 
• Aaron: "It's time to go sweetie." Rowan: "Sorry Daddy, I'm not done living in this tree."
• "My head is as big as a coffee cream donut."
• "I like cotton candy because it's like eating pink fur."
• "When I grow up I am going to work on Islesboro and teach the kids how to help on the nature preserver." 
• Every time she goes out to visit the chicks in the coop: "Hi chicks, how was your weekend?"
• After telling Rowan that Retta just needs to have one mother and she should just worry about herself: "Well Mommy, I am just trying to take care of Retta for you so you can relax. I'm just trying to be a good role model for you!"
• Looking all starry-eyed showing me a book about Barbie: "Mommy, I am sessed with her." Me: "You mean obsessed? Well honey, I know you like her because you think she's pretty but she mostly just cares about how she looks and that's not what's important- like being kind is more important, or what you like to do is much more interesting." Rowan: "Well maybe we can go to the library and get a Barbie nature book and Daddy would like that!" 
• While pushing the girls in the cart at the grocery store: "Mommy, I think that lady over there just said, 'Shhh!' to me. I didn't like that and it was very distressing."
• "We learned about somebody else named Keith today. Not the Keith who fixes our car, but Georgia O'Keith, a famous artist. She liked to paint big flowers." Me, "Oh yeah, I love Georiga O'Keefe! I used to have a poster of her painting of sunflowers. What else did you learn about her?" Rowan: "Mommy, I really don't know. I stopped listening after the flowers part."
• "Daddy! How about you say 'National Geographic' and I'll tickle your belly!"
• While talking about the unpredictable nature of the weather in March, "Yeah, you just never know with Mother Nature. I remember last year in March it was like SERIOUSLY SWELTERING."
• "Mommy, are you just having a BELOVED birthday?!"
• "Mommy, isn't it silly that each day we spend so much time not talking at all while we're sleeping?" Me: "Well, our bodies need time to be quiet, to rest and recharge so we have energy for the next day." Rowan: "Oh, you mean just like our iPod?"
• "Sometimes when you get in a teepee you want to take your shirt off and watch a movie." (said while building a blanket fort in the living room)
• "Mommy, let's pretend you're in jail because you cut down a tree in nature and so you have to stay there for a WHOLE DAY. But if you want to compromise, I'll let you just be in jail for 3 minutes."
• While on the phone with her uncle: "Tonton, I have a bug cage. You can catch bugs in it and keep them inside for one or two days but then you have to give them back to the world and see if they live or die. I found an ant once."
• "My fingers are so dizzy."
• "My toe just feels silly."
• "Daddy, I can't put away my game because my hands are too stiff and seasick."
• After I burnt my tongue on a hot drink: "Oh no Mommy! Do you have to grow new taste-testers now?!"
• "Mommy, my belly doesn't feel so good. There's thunder in there. My belly is full of thunderbolts."
• "Let's pretend that you find a bag in the forest and you have to open it to find out if there is gold inside or a bunch of dead squirrels."
• "Mommy, do you have some glue? I want to glue some stuff from the drawer together to make a toy for Retta. I'm trying to be contributing."
• "Mommy, do you realize how much I love you?!"
• "I'm as happy as a cricket!"
• "I'm as full as a rat!"
• "I'm as cozy as a fly!"
• "I'm as scared as a horsefly!" Me: "What are horseflies scared of?" Rowan: "Bears."
• "I'm as scared as a dragonfly!" Me: "What are dragonflies scared of?" Rowan: "Mean butterflies."
• "Do you want to hear about my imaginary friends? One is named Jessica Blue. She has blue eyes, blue hair, a blue shirt and a blue face and she is an artist, but she isn't very nice. She's kinda mean because she just brags about her paintings. Then there's Lolly, who is really nice and likes to dance."
• "Do reindeer have butts?"
• "Mommy, did you ever win the grand finale prize for running in the turtlenecks?" (she meant for running the hurdles)
• "Mommy, when I grow up, I'm going to marry you!"
• After hearing a loud noise in the parking lot of the grocery store, "Mommy! Was that a canyon ball?!"
• "Martin Luther King is our new peacemaker at school! He was very mad but he fought with his words and not his hands." 
• After I told her I'd just gotten a shock from the electrical outlet: "Mommy! Are you okay? I'm trying to be compassionate."
• "Daddy! Mallory taught me how to hold my pencil when I write!" Aaron: "That's great sweetie! Want to practice your writing when we get home?" Rowan:"No thanks, I've got to wash my foot." 
• "Did you know that Mr. Rogers was a child advocate?!"
• "Did you know that penguins can sit on their butts for about a hundred miles? But some penguins are mean and spit at people."
• "It's like all the little Christmas lights are trying to be my friends!"
• "Sometimes when I look out at the pink clouds I am afraid the abominable snowman is looking at me."
• "Brrrr, I'm freezing like a penguin."
• "Mommy, I have some bad things to tell you. I didn't see anybody smoking, but I saw some cigarettes on the ground."
• "Happy birthday Daddy! We are going to eat special ice cream today! It's called Tinker Taste! It tastes like Tinkerbell." Aaron: "What does Tinkerbell taste like?!" Rowan: "Like a giant rainbow!"
• My mom: "Rowan, are you going to help make the turkey for Thanksgiving?" Rowan: "No Nannie! I am not allowed to do the hot pan process."
• "I did not have a nap today and I am CLEARLY exhausted."
• "Mommy, have you ever touched a robotic machine?"
• "My feelings about bats are that they have sharp teeth and are nocturnal."
• "Let me tell you about some famous people I know. I know Maria Montessori who's really nice, and then there's Plablio Picasso who likes to paint pictures!"--referring to the people she's learning about at school
• "It's the end of the world!! We have to save the periwinkles first!" -said while playing in a tide pool
• After I told her she was drawing nice spirals,which take a lot of hand-eye coordination: "Well, I think it's because of all that salmon I ate."
• After helping Aaron bring wood in to start the fire, "GOOD JOB, SELF!"
• "Daddy, I love you a thousand miles off the earth and all the way to snowy Japan. And I love you as tall as the closet."
• When my mom asked her if goat cheese tastes like goats she responded, "The difference is that goats got fur and cheese don't."
• Looking out at the sun shining on the water: "I would say there's about 20 gallons of sunshine on this water."
• Upon arriving at my parent's camp on a lake: "This place is full of tremendous happy!"
• While drawing on a piece of paper: "I'm writing about 1896. It's when Dora got married."
• "I believe in trolls and tsunamis." 
• While I was pushing her on a swing at the playground: "Mommy, please give me a push as high as a 20 foot cream cheese bagel."
•  "Mommy, tell me a story of old Japan."
• At the top of a mountain, nearing the end of our hike, "I am so proud of myself for walking the whole way up! THANKS LEGS!"
• A joke: "Why did the bed and mattress get up and walk away? Because the banana was lifting a paint can."
• "Daddy, I'm sure there's fox poop within a hundred miles of here."
• Aaron: "Rowan, you need to make your voice more quiet, your sister is trying to sleep." Rowan: "But Daddy, I only have one volume and it is LOUD!"
• "Mommy, this Care Bear needs help. She has mastitis in her foot."
• Rowan: "Stop it! I said STOP IT!" Me: "What are you yelling about?" Rowan: "I'm yelling at my toes because I want my toenails to stop growing."
• "Mommy, I'm pretending my fingers are soldiers taking a nap in my car seat."
• "Thank you chickadees! I like that song you got goin'. It gives me ideas of what to hum."-said to the birds in the trees
• When asked what she's been learning about at school she said, "Let me tell you about underwater volcanoes. I think they were around in the '60s." 
• "You should never put mayonnaise in your compost because it will attract animals." -just a public service announcement from the backseat on a long car ride
• "Mommy, I'm sorry but I have to stop dancing because my hands are getting dizzy!"
• "Do grasshoppers pee?"
• Me: "Rowan, you need to pick up one thing before you get another one out." Rowan: "Noted."
• One morning, out of the blue, while eating her cereal, "Do ducks have vaginas?!"
• "Technically mommy, I am tired."
• "I'm going to marry Strawberry Shortcake!"
• "Do Indians poop? "